My Uke's Cuter
by Madame Onyx
Summary: "Don't be jealous just cuz my uke's cutest." The show down you've all wanted. stanXkyle craigXtweek kennyXbutters Rated M for language and implied sex.


**So I thought of this like ten minutes ago...I think it's funny. Kyle and Stan, Craig and Tweek, Kenny and Butters**

"Hey, Craig," Stan nudged him in the ribs, earning an annoyed growl at being distracted from his game. Craig shot him a glare and was surprised to see a dirty smirk on his face. "Lookit this."

Craig peered over the jock's shoulder ad saw a website named "Boy's Love Fanclub" with hearts and anime boys with either girly faces or a cool glare popping up everywhere in multiple promiscuous poses. Kenny walked in and almost dropped the huge trey of popcorn and soda when Craig exclaimed very un-Craig-like "What the fuck? Marsh, what the _hell _are you looking at?"

Kenny settled down next to Stan on the couch and cracked out into a perverted smile. "Dabbling on the dark side of porn, are we?"

"Shut up," Stan mumbled, clicking on a category at the top labeled "vocabulary". "I just can't get how girls can find this..." he flinched as a nude picture popped up, "so freaking _hot_."

Kenny shrugged. "It's the whole 'forbidden factor' thing. You know, scorned by society, two star-crossed lovers fight not only others' convictions but their own angst as well blah blah blah...I've asked a few girls about it," he added when they both raised an eyebrow at him.

Kenny, Stan and Craig had gone public with their boyfriends at separate times; Kenny announced he was bi three years ago, but has only ever (officially) dated Bebe and, currently, Butters. Craig didn't so much _come out _as he did just kissing a freaking-out Tweek to stop him from spazzing one Monday morning a year ago in front of everyone. And Stan and Kyle hooked up just a few months ago; but it had been so obvious to everyone else even _before _they dated that no-one was really surprised.

"Hey look," Stan said, pointing to a word and reading its definition. "Seme: the dominant character role in a boy-on-boy relationship, usually the one that 'tops' the uke."

Craig furrowed his brow. "Uke?"

Stan scrolled down and Kenny read, "Uke: The passive male character in the story. Usually the uke will be more feminine, younger, shorter and less experienced than the seme."

They all stared at the words before Craig spoke.

"My God they have _names _for us?"

Kenny chuckled. "Yep. My little Butterball is the prime example of the uke. Big eyes, skinny little body, naïve, clueless, virgin; he didn't even know what a blow-job was before I—"

"ENOUGH, KENNY!" Both ravens chimed out together. Kenny shrugged.

"Hey, don't be jealous just cuz my uke's cuter than both of yours."

Silence greeted him and turned to face them questioningly, finding Craig placing down the controller and Stan closing the laptop quietly. Craig's icy-blue eyes had the same look in them as Stan's sky-blues, and together they stabbed Kenny's oceanic orbs.

"My uke's cuter." They both looked at each other and frowned.

"Kyle's got that adorable red 'fro," Stan said blatantly.

"You're theonly one who would call that cute," Craig retorted. "Tweek's blonde hair is so soft and messy he looks like a lil' lion."

"Butters' hair even softer," Kenny added in solidly.

"Kyle's eyes are a bright jade green and have incredibly long lashes."

"Tweek's eyes are huge and a deep brown, _better _than green."

"Butters has those eyes that look into your _soul__**." **_

__Stan glared at Craig, Craig stared back and flipped off Kenny.

"Tweek's skin is so hot and tasty it's like he took a bath in coffee."

"Butters' skin is softer than anything."

They both look at Stan, who was thinking hard. He suddenly smiled and looked up, playing his trump card.

"Kyle has a great ass."

The taller teens stared at him and tried to come up with something to trump him, and evidently failed. Kenny accepted it like a good sport and started warming up the DVD player for the movie they were going to watch with their boyfriends. Craig grumbled under his breath and tossed the controller away. Stan grinned triumphantly.

"I'll get you next time, Marsh," Craig growled.

"Well, C-Craig's the tallest!"

"Kenny's the most handsome, by golly!"

"Stan's the most muscled!"

Concentrated silence filled Kyle's car as he drove to Stan's house for the movie.

"Kenny's the funniest!"

"Craig-_ah!_- is the, o geez, the _coolest_!"

"Stan's the sweetest."

Green met brown, brown met blue, blue stared at green through the rear view mirror.

"Kenny's is seven and a half inches."

"_Oh, Jesus, _um, C-Craig's is...six point eight," he murmured dejectedly. Kyle broke out in a smug smile.

"Stan's is nine, even."

"Oh, hamburgers!"

_"Ack! _Didn't it _hurt?" _

_**So I loved writing this (lol). But this fanfic is merely...and ADVERTISEMENT! **_

_** I have written a MULAN yaoi! 'How?' you ask? Simple! Mulan is PING! A **__**BOY!**__** Ta-da! **_

_** It's called **_**Illusion. **_**Give it a chance, please! **_

_** Ta-ta for now! *bo~ing!***_


End file.
